P.I.M.P.-ing

This is not a blog about regular pimps… it’s PIMP as in Pee In My Pants!

It seems that my four very large babies did a little damage upon entry into this world. All of my babies were between 8 and 10 pounds. Well, not really 10 pounds… she was 9 lbs 11 oz… so close enough!

I have spent the past couple of years trying to undo the damage with surgery and medication. My main symptom is I am sometimes entirely unable to keep from PIMP’ing. And I don’t know about you, but that is not a very adult thing to do. I have been able to train all four of my little monsters, but Mommy still has trouble making it. Next, I’ll need a diaper bag.

I was at Hobby Lobby this morning, quickly looking for party invitations for an upcoming birthday. Of course, these are way at the back of the store. Once there, my bladder suddenly and insistently said, “Excuse me, Darlin’, you have to go NOW!” No warning… NOW. I think this is what they lovingly call urgency. How quaint.

Okay, go NOW. Problem… it is taking every bit of effort to clinch my legs together in an effort to outsmart my body. I can’t move an inch. Not to mention, I’m so concerned that I look like I’m doing the potty-dance. There is no bathroom in sight and my car is seemingly 4 miles away. And then it happens… leakage. I just PIMP’d.

I quickly sit down in the hopes of stopping it… or for on-lookers, I just needed to check out the stuff on the bottom shelf. I now have no idea how much leakage is now showing. Oh, what I wouldn’t do for a jacket right now to wrap around and hide the damage.

Now, I make the long journey to the front of the store. I’m hoping that no one notices. I cringe every time I see someone, but I pretend that nothing is happening. I feel like it is showing on my face, but I am determined to get out of the store as nonchalant as possible. Really, how many people look at my butt anyhoo.

Well, I made it out to my car. And no one noticed, right?

Although, I keep imagining people talking to their friends saying, “you wouldn’t believe what I saw at Hobby Lobby this morning… a grown woman…” Ugh.